I’m feeling the weight of the news cycle right now. Yet another school shooting last week in Georgia. The anniversary of 9/11 this week. And in just a few weeks, we will mark one year since the horrendous massacre perpetrated by Hamas in Israel on October 7, 2023. Six of the 251 hostages taken that day were recently confirmed dead, and the death toll of Palestinians, including tens of thousands of children, continues to rise, while the humanitarian crisis worsens with each day of fighting.
It's hard enough figuring out how to talk about these things with other adults. Those of us with children or grandchildren in our lives also have the challenge of figuring out if, when, and how to talk to our kids about the really hard topics that may be on our minds…and theirs.
It’s often tempting to change the subject quickly when kids ask questions about the world, or avoid these subjects entirely. I certainly wish I could protect my child from ever knowing anything about the realities of evil, terror, and violence. But I suspect my reluctance has more to do with my own discomfort in broaching these difficult topics with someone so young, and so precious to me.
So, in our family, we are trying to find honest and appropriate ways to talk about the tough stuff together when it comes up. We know that our seven-year-old is going to pick up bits of information from external sources, so we want to establish the norm that, as parents, we are a safe and reliable place to ask questions, express feelings of sadness/anger/fear, and grapple together with anything.
I have found the work of Traci Smith to be extremely helpful in these efforts. Below is an article she wrote with some excellent tips for how to talk about tough topics with kids. Even if you do not have children in your life, the suggestions are full of wisdom that can be applied when tackling hard conversations in a variety of contexts, and thinking about how our faith can guide us whenever we are feeling the heaviness of current events.
Yours in Christ,
Carmen
Faithful Conversations on Tough Topics:
How to bring faith into the hard conversations with your children
By Traci Smith, shared with permission
As parents, we’re faced with the sacred responsibility of helping our children navigate the world around them. There are days filled with joy and laughter, but there are also moments when tough questions arise—questions about loss, fear, injustice, or even doubt. How do we guide our children through these difficult topics while also nurturing their faith? How can we be a source of both truth and comfort when the world feels uncertain?
The key lies in creating space for faithful conversations. These are conversations where faith is not just a backdrop, but a tool to engage with life’s big questions. In these moments, we’re called to offer both vulnerability and hope, showing our children that God’s love is present, even in the most challenging times.
1. Begin with Honesty and Vulnerability
When our children ask tough questions—about death, injustice, or fear—it’s tempting to shield them from the complexity of it all. Yet, one of the most powerful things we can do is show them that we, too, are grappling with these questions. There’s a deep holiness in admitting that we don’t have all the answers.
Rather than offering quick solutions, start by creating a safe space for the conversation. You might say, “That’s a really important question,” or “I’ve thought about that, too.” By sharing your vulnerability, you show your children that it’s okay to feel unsure or sad, and that faith can be a companion in that uncertainty.
When your child knows it’s okay to ask hard questions and express tough emotions, you build a foundation of trust and openness. And from there, you can begin to weave in your faith—a faith that doesn’t promise easy answers, but one that is present in every question.
2. Use Simple, Grounding Rituals
During these conversations, creating a small ritual can be a comforting way to ground your child. For example, you could light a candle as a symbol of God’s presence with you during the conversation. Lighting that candle every time you talk about something difficult could become a family practice, a way to physically remind your children that even in tough times, God is near.
Rituals give children something to hold onto in a world that often feels chaotic. A short prayer, a moment of silence, or even holding hands together can make difficult conversations feel sacred. They serve as a tangible reminder that God’s love surrounds your family, even in the hardest moments.
3. Lean into Scripture Stories and Faith Practices
Rather than treating faith as an afterthought in difficult conversations, weave it into the heart of your discussions. Use scripture stories to offer comfort and context. Stories like Jesus calming the storm or God’s promise to be with us in Isaiah 41:10 can be powerful tools to remind your children that faith doesn’t ignore the tough parts of life—it embraces them.
Instead of saying, “Don’t worry, everything will be okay,” you might say, “I know this is hard, but do you remember when Jesus’ friends were scared in the storm? They called on Jesus, and Jesus was there with them. We can do that too.”
This approach shows your child that faith is an active, living part of their lives—not just something they do at church, but something that walks with them through the tough questions.
4. Don’t Be Afraid of Silence
Sometimes, after a difficult question, the best thing you can do is pause and sit in the silence together. You don’t need to rush to offer an answer. Silence can be deeply holy—it can be a space where God speaks in ways we can’t anticipate.
You can tell your child, “Let’s sit with that for a minute,” or “Let’s take a moment to breathe and listen.” This practice teaches them that silence isn’t something to fear, but something to embrace. It also shows that faith isn’t just about talking—it’s about listening for God’s voice in the quiet.
5. Offer Hope, Not Certainty
When your child is struggling with big, tough questions, resist the urge to offer certainty. Instead, offer hope. Rather than saying, “This will get better,” you might say, “God is with us, even when things feel hard.” Instead of promising that bad things won’t happen, affirm that love and faith remain.
Hope reminds your children that even when the world feels shaky, there is something steady to hold onto. Faithful conversations are less about giving the “right” answers and more about offering the truth that God is always with us, loving us through every doubt, every fear, and every question.
For more faith at home rituals and ideas, see the Faithful Families series by Traci Smith
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